Oh, I've seen this first-hand, how very hard it is to stay committed and focused on your experiment. Until you "Just Do It" - which ironically in most cases begins with a strategy of waiting for life to come to you rather than initiating - you'll never get to live the uniqueness that you were designed to be. Until you live your Design, education means nothing.
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Until you follow your Strategy and Authority in decision-making consistently, all the Human Design education you can handle does you no good.
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Later I remember making a “mistake” in relationship with my boyfriend at the grocery store, where I found myself saying in desperation out loud - “I can’t do anything right.” All of a sudden my hand flew to cover my mouth, my eyes went wide open with shock, and I had the first conscious moment of realization in seeing my not-self mind at work! Now I knew exactly where it came from, and that it was absolutely NOT the truth. Because my tape-recording inside my head about myself was I can’t do anything right, nobody loves me, there’s something wrong with me and after that first release I could finally see the conditioning at play. I broke down crying in grief when we got to the heart center. In the middle of taking my first Human Design Class, Living Your Design the first time in 2013, I experienced my first profound “shattering” of the not-self mind. Just a function of mechanics in my design (3rd line personality, undefined heart, head and sacral with 3rd lines as well). I remember as a child growing up, I took every failure as proof that there was something wrong with me, perhaps missing or broken. Would you like to hear about one of my biggest turning points? Please allow me to illustrate this point with a story wherein perhaps you can identify with what this is like. While no matter what you do, you just can't seem to wake yourself up. Imagine realizing the dream you are in is a nightmare - and your eyes are wide open. Well, sometimes it can be even more horrid to observe. Without awareness, it's a nightmare that you don't even realize you are dreaming in. Not-Self is a term we use to describe deeply conditioned behaviors as a result of our response to the energies of others and the neutrino transit program we encounter every moment of every day.
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The “Not-Self” seems to take a long time to tame in the beginning. If this is still the case, can I ask your conditioned mind a question?Īre you ready to Surrender? Just give up right now.Īs a 3/5 Profile a "Martyr/Heretic" learning through inevitable mistakes, I found the yammering of mind can be very hard to ignore in the first half of my first 7 years.
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If you believe the story inside your head about yourself, you are identified with who you are not. Perhaps you’ve seen the not-self mind chatter with awareness, and in the beginning of recognizing your design’s conditioning, been horrified, or in awe, at how precisely Human Design can track your mind’s running commentary about the life experience you are in. I’m updating this article I wrote for Jovian exactly 4 years ago, and specifically writing to those of you who are new to Human Design, yet deep into the Human Design Experiment, within your first 3.5 years.